I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
