I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
