I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
