Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
babies were throwing up all over the place
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
