I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
