I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
