Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
