I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
