i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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