the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
