Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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