he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
