Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
