How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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