after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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