I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize