Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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