Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
