there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
