i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
