in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
