While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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