So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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