had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
