She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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