Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
