No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize