my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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