Cold hands, warm shart.
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
