She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
