There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize