is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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