What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
