I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
