He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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