I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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