you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
