When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
