sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
