from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
