i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
wow bdsm is so cute
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize