you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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