one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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