Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
