So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
