u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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