you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think people are normalizing furries
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
