I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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