Michael Bay diarrhea
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
