final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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