mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize