I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
