Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize