peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
