he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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