oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
