I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This house was built for laser tag.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
