After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
