Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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