i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
