Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
