bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
