Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize