My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
