high people should be assigned attendants
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
