The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
