My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
