For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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