Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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