stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize