Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The air was thick with penises
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
