Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
