"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
God, I missed his penis.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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