i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Operation Purity has been aborted
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
