got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
