there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
