i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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