I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize