Taylor Swift is so right about you.
In America we eat man semen.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
