Capitaan dildo arrescate!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
