Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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