i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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