i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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