I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
