he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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