hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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