and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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