normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
