I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Someone shit on the floor
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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