if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
