i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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