Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
