we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize