Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
