if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
