Already got asked if we're dating
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
