Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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