$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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