I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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