Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
