I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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