I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
